POLITICOMIX

11.28.2009

Elin & Tiger: The Lost Tweets

worldsbestgolfer: headed home from the range ... hope the National Enquirer storm has blown over. I didn't do it!

upwardlymobilenanny: where the hell is he? dinner's getting cold.

worldsbestgolfer: rolling into the drive ... turn it around in case I need to make a quick getaway?

upwardlymobilenanny: there's his car ... he better not smell like strip club!

worldsbestgolfer: great thing about being a top golfer ... u don't have to lie to yr wife about having been on the course LOL

upwardlymobilenanny: lipstick on the collar of his Nike? can't be sure ...

worldsbestgolfer: pretty chilly in here, but Swedes are like that ... so tough to read the mood

upwardlymobilenanny: he's acting like nothing's wrong ... I'm SOOOO pissed!

worldsbestgolfer: seems kind of normal ... headed to the shower

upwardlymobilenanny: he's heading for the shower ... washing off HER scent?!?

worldsbestgolfer: hairs in the sink again ... women!

upwardlymobilenanny: going to have it out with him ... wish me luck, girlfriends!

worldsbestgolfer: It's Miller time ... that's metaphor, guys. Billionaires don't drink Miller, LOL!

upwardlymobilenanny: Left a copy of the National Enquirer in the kitchen ... let's see how THAT goes over!

worldsbestgolfer: Uh-oh.

upwardlymobilenanny: Uh-huh!

worldsbestgolfer: Car keys ... where did I leave them?

upwardlymobilenanny: He's got shifty eyes ... GUILTY!!!

worldsbestgolfer: In my golf pants, on the floor of the bathroom, whoops!

upwardlymobilenanny: Where's he going?

worldsbestgolfer: Gonna try to sneak down the back stairs ... @stevewilliams meet me at Windermere Strip Club in 15.

upwardlymobilenanny: He's trying to sneak down the back stairs! Where's that 5-iron?!?

worldsbestgolfer: Uh-oh, run for it!

upwardlymobilenanny: Oh, no, you don't!!!

worldsbestgolfer: Shit, she's beating on the car with a 5-iron!!! Pretty good stroke! Got to get out of here!

upwardlymobilenanny: #@&$#!*#%!!!

worldsbestgolfer: Driving and texting is probably NOT good, ri

upwardlymobilenanny: Oh, lame, LAME attempt at a sympathy play!